This post is going to be long. I can feel it in my bones. And picture-less. Feel free to skip this post. I will not be offended.
I started a blog post a few hours ago titled "I'm 'just' a stay at home mom, but I also..." It was a little more lighthearted. I really just wanted to joke about how I'm involved in so many different and unrelated things outside my momhood. But the more I chewed on this idea of "just" a stay at home mom, and asked for other's reactions, I decided to go a little different direction.
Confession: I don't mind being called "just" a stay at home mom. In fact, I welcome it. I'll explain:
First, you probably need to know a little something about me. I'm extremely easy going. (most of the time) I often cross the line between "easy going" and "door mat" because I just don't even notice. I can laugh off just about anything. Some of this is a learned behavior. I can be overly concerned about what people think of me, and if I'm doing things right, so I've learned to step back and figure out what really matters. This has helped me step out of my shell a ton, and given me peace of mind in a lot of situations.
I think this is one of my spiritual gifts. More than just "easy going", I believe I have the gift of contentment. (I'm totally making up these spiritual gifts. I'm pretty sure there's an actual list of them, and a test you have to take...these are just things I believe God has gifted me with so...I call them spiritual gifts.)
People say I'm a great organizer, that I excel at the logistics. This is kind of true. I make a pretty mean spread sheet. But I really don't believe I'm that much better at these things than the average person. The difference is that I'm not only willing to do these things, but I find joy in them. I love a well made cup of coffee and a freshly copied report. I would be perfectly content being a front desk girl the rest of my life. But only for the right organization. I'd die in a cubicle at an insurance firm or something. But even if all I ever did was answer the phone and make coffee for an organization that was doing important things for the Lord, I'd be perfectly happy.
Now, I will admit there is a great number of people who confuse "staying safe" with being content in the position God has given you. I've had many discussions with people telling me "I could do so much more." I'm not doubting I could. I just really believe that God has created me to be a behind the scenes person.
I am not destined for "greatness". I put this in quotations, because I think we are so human in our definition of "greatness" and even God's "big plans". In our heads we know that not all "big plans" look the same, but it's hard (even for me sometimes) to look at a simple life, and see that it is full of "greatness". It's because we are puny, and try as we might, we can't see the big picture. I think "big plans" are SO important. I fully support full time missionaries, here and abroad, preachers and speakers, world changers and entrepreneurs. It's so important that we have these kind of people. They change so many lives, and are surely a part of God's plan. I however, am not one of them. And guess what. I'm A-OK with that.
All that to say that quite possibly that's the reason I'm OK with the phrase "just a stay at home mom" is because I'm easily going and naturally content in seemingly unimpressive roles. So if you don't agree with the other stuff I say, just chalk it up to my overly compliant nature, and completely ignore the second half of this post.
"Just a stay at home mom"
It's funny to me that stay at home moms are infuriated at this phrase, and lots of working moms are desperate to be this phrase.
Deep down, we all just want people to see what we are doing as valuable. It's hard to feel valuable when you haven't showered all day, are literally covered in crap, and can't remember the last time you cleaned the shower. We read article after article about how important the stay at home mom is, our friends and parents tell us, our husbands support us, but somehow, we can't shake the feeling we should be doing more. (Is this just me?)
So we get a part time job, we volunteer, we start a home business, we become overly domestic, we become crazy coupon clippers (I have done all these things, for at least a week...except start a home business) so we can prove to
the world ourselves that we are more than "just" stay at home moms.
Now here's the thing. Here's the little bit of me I wish I could give to everyone I know. All these things are great. We should be doing things besides being "just" a mom, volunteering, coupon clipping, cleaning our showers (seriously though...my shower is so gross right now). But I really believe, until we've come to peace with JUST being a mom, we won't really enjoy or excel at these things. Because whether you are a working mom, or a stay at home mom, you are a mom first. Whether you like it or not. And until you realize that you are first and foremost JUST a mom, everything else is JUST crap that gets in the way.
I really think this idea, philosophy, or whatever you want to call it, applies to everyone. We need to find peace in the simple jobs, we need to be content, "in a state of satisfaction", with where we are right now in life. Sure, we need to be working towards whatever goal God has in mind for us, but if we are constantly worried about where we end up, we are going to live a life of frustration and missed opportunities while we get there.
So when people ask me what I do I say "Oh, I'm just a stay at home mom" and usually they say "You're not JUST a stay at home mom!" And I smile, and say "Yeah I am. But I do other things too."
